This blog post is going to be really short because it's been a long day and I'm super tired. But this is so important that I absolutely needed to share.
I spent the day showing out of town friends around San Francisco today. We did all of the touristy things: Pier 39, watched the sea lions, ate clam chowder from a sourdough bread bowl, watched the America's Cup training from the harbor, and walked about a million miles. But my kairos moment today was when we got to come home and sit around a big table on the back deck and eat BBQ chicken and grilled veggies together. My family joined us and for a moment, I thought, "This has to be heaven." Sitting in God's creation on a beautiful summer evening with God's bounty of food before us, surrounded by my friends and family - my brothers and sisters in Christ - I glimpsed heaven.
I once heard a friend end a prayer by saying, "And Lord, help us to live out of gratitude." To live out of gratitude is a concept that often slips my mind, but since I heard those words almost 2 years ago, the way I see the world has changed. I'm reminded every once in a while about true gratitude and tonight, when I sat at that table, my heart couldn't have been fuller.
Praise God from Whom all blessings flow,
Praise Him all creatures here below,
Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts,
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost! Amen.
My cup overfloweth,
-D
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Training a child - Proverbs 22:6
I felt like a good mom today. But I also felt guilty for leaving my baby toddler this evening so I could go conduct a rehearsal at church. I'm not sure that feeling will ever go away.
Anyway, I felt like a good mom today because I stumbled across this gem in one of those rare moments of reading my Bible. (Yes, it should happen more often. It doesn't because I'm so freakin' tired all the time. It's not an excuse, it's an explanation.) Proverbs 22:6 - "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." That gem, in partnership with a dear friend's advice, inspired me to start looking at the habits and good character traits that I want my son to employ when he's older. And it made me start seeing him as truly a toddler rather than a baby that just doesn't know better.
Brag Book: My 18 month old son identified his colors today, pulling the correct colored crayons from a mixed bag. He actually had to search for the red one when I asked him to use red!! Genius. Brag book done.
It made me realize that he's learning so much and he's becoming so much more than...being a baby, if that makes sense. It's time to start training his character in addition to his habits. (By habits, I'm referring to eating and sleeping. SLEEPING!)
Pause there.
Yesterday evening, I attended a book signing for a teacher/author named Rafe Esquith. Rafe has been teaching at a low income inner city elementary school for 30 years. He's a good teacher. His one word of advice? Be the person you want your students to be.
Unpause.
Be the person you want your child to be.
So basically, I've put 2 and 2 together today. I need to continue to take care of myself and continue to grow in my own character in order to train up my son in a holy and pleasing-to-the-Lord kind of way.
I'm excited. I'm inspired. I'm deeply challenged.
I hope this speaks to you as much as it speaks to me. This applies to both my work life and my home life. This applies to what my friend Glennon Melton calls, "my capital L Life".
This isn't over. I just heard that this week's sermon at church is on "Being Present". I'm pretty sure this will apply to this post. I just haven't put it all together yet. I'll update once I give it some more thought.
Until then, goodnight! I'm starting tomorrow off on a new schedule, a disciplined one for myself - and for my family!
Love,
-D
Anyway, I felt like a good mom today because I stumbled across this gem in one of those rare moments of reading my Bible. (Yes, it should happen more often. It doesn't because I'm so freakin' tired all the time. It's not an excuse, it's an explanation.) Proverbs 22:6 - "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." That gem, in partnership with a dear friend's advice, inspired me to start looking at the habits and good character traits that I want my son to employ when he's older. And it made me start seeing him as truly a toddler rather than a baby that just doesn't know better.
Brag Book: My 18 month old son identified his colors today, pulling the correct colored crayons from a mixed bag. He actually had to search for the red one when I asked him to use red!! Genius. Brag book done.
It made me realize that he's learning so much and he's becoming so much more than...being a baby, if that makes sense. It's time to start training his character in addition to his habits. (By habits, I'm referring to eating and sleeping. SLEEPING!)
Pause there.
Yesterday evening, I attended a book signing for a teacher/author named Rafe Esquith. Rafe has been teaching at a low income inner city elementary school for 30 years. He's a good teacher. His one word of advice? Be the person you want your students to be.
Unpause.
Be the person you want your child to be.
So basically, I've put 2 and 2 together today. I need to continue to take care of myself and continue to grow in my own character in order to train up my son in a holy and pleasing-to-the-Lord kind of way.
I'm excited. I'm inspired. I'm deeply challenged.
I hope this speaks to you as much as it speaks to me. This applies to both my work life and my home life. This applies to what my friend Glennon Melton calls, "my capital L Life".
This isn't over. I just heard that this week's sermon at church is on "Being Present". I'm pretty sure this will apply to this post. I just haven't put it all together yet. I'll update once I give it some more thought.
Until then, goodnight! I'm starting tomorrow off on a new schedule, a disciplined one for myself - and for my family!
Love,
-D
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
On Listening and Love
Ahhh...finally. A time of silence. Just me and this blank canvas of space with which to write and process. No crocodile wrestling my toddler; no dishes (well, not entirely true - there are SOME dishes.); no laundry; nobody here to entertain; and no whining! Yes, my friends, it is that glorious time of the day called Nap Time.
I've been wanting to write for quite some time but every day of this vacation has been stuffed with activity. Don't get me wrong - I love activity. I love the people we've been able to see and spend time with. But I've needed and wanted some silence for a while. Here's what I've learned from the past few days in the wee moments of silent thinking time here and there that I've been able to snag. These things are not entirely related - at least, not that I can see yet.
1. Conversations around an area of conflict are confusing. If you haven't heard by now, everybody has been wrestling with the LGBT(Q) movement. Everybody includes the Christ-followers, the Atheists, the Activists, the Politicians, the Educators, the young and the old. See, no matter what side of the table you're sitting on, there's been a lot of talk and very little listening. Here's what I've heard God say to me recently: Be still. Be open to conversation. Start by listening. Be still. Seek My Truth. Hear the compassion in My Voice. Be still.
This makes me really want to really find out what God has to say about these issues and makes me want to be still and listen. I've gone from standing against all aspects of the LGBT(Q) community (so far as to hurt some of my own friends) to standing for them (as silently as possible however) to not wanting to draw a line in the sand at all. The problem about WANTING to find out what God has to say and WANTING straight answers is that it manifests itself into idle action. You know what I mean when I say, "idle action"? It's like reading and thinking and reading and thinking and coming to so many different conclusions that you really have no conclusion at all in the end. All along, I've forgotten to BE STILL. I've forgotten how.
So here's the conclusion I've come to right now. At this moment, I want to read what God has to say about all things LGBT. And then I'm going to "Be Still". I'm going to be open to conversation. But I'm going to start by listening. Because the way I've figured, conversing is a good start. But the act of listening is an act of love. Jesus reminds us in so many ways to "Love our neighbor." People feel loved and valued when others listen. I want to be a listener.
2. Listening is Hard. Period.
3. There are some relationships that require a desperate amount of patience. It sounds cryptic, but really, it's simple; it's true; and sometimes it sucks.
4. Toddlers are difficult. At the end of the day though, I always find myself looking at pictures of my little love and recalling all of his cute moments of the day. During the day, I just want to get to my victory lap. It sounds awful, but I know I'm not alone in this. I can't be. Kids are too hard to deal with when they're awake sometimes! I love being my Little Monkey's mom. I do not like my legs being mistaken as a climbing post in the wake of a tantrum. And I do not like whining. But I do love when he looks at me like I'm the best person in the world for giving him a bottle of milk before bedtime. And I do love when he interrupts his play time to give me a kiss. I know these days are numbered. This is both relieving and sad.
5. I love good friends. They are the best. 'Nuff Said.
Until my next moment of stillness, here's to listening!
-D
I've been wanting to write for quite some time but every day of this vacation has been stuffed with activity. Don't get me wrong - I love activity. I love the people we've been able to see and spend time with. But I've needed and wanted some silence for a while. Here's what I've learned from the past few days in the wee moments of silent thinking time here and there that I've been able to snag. These things are not entirely related - at least, not that I can see yet.
1. Conversations around an area of conflict are confusing. If you haven't heard by now, everybody has been wrestling with the LGBT(Q) movement. Everybody includes the Christ-followers, the Atheists, the Activists, the Politicians, the Educators, the young and the old. See, no matter what side of the table you're sitting on, there's been a lot of talk and very little listening. Here's what I've heard God say to me recently: Be still. Be open to conversation. Start by listening. Be still. Seek My Truth. Hear the compassion in My Voice. Be still.
This makes me really want to really find out what God has to say about these issues and makes me want to be still and listen. I've gone from standing against all aspects of the LGBT(Q) community (so far as to hurt some of my own friends) to standing for them (as silently as possible however) to not wanting to draw a line in the sand at all. The problem about WANTING to find out what God has to say and WANTING straight answers is that it manifests itself into idle action. You know what I mean when I say, "idle action"? It's like reading and thinking and reading and thinking and coming to so many different conclusions that you really have no conclusion at all in the end. All along, I've forgotten to BE STILL. I've forgotten how.
So here's the conclusion I've come to right now. At this moment, I want to read what God has to say about all things LGBT. And then I'm going to "Be Still". I'm going to be open to conversation. But I'm going to start by listening. Because the way I've figured, conversing is a good start. But the act of listening is an act of love. Jesus reminds us in so many ways to "Love our neighbor." People feel loved and valued when others listen. I want to be a listener.
2. Listening is Hard. Period.
3. There are some relationships that require a desperate amount of patience. It sounds cryptic, but really, it's simple; it's true; and sometimes it sucks.
4. Toddlers are difficult. At the end of the day though, I always find myself looking at pictures of my little love and recalling all of his cute moments of the day. During the day, I just want to get to my victory lap. It sounds awful, but I know I'm not alone in this. I can't be. Kids are too hard to deal with when they're awake sometimes! I love being my Little Monkey's mom. I do not like my legs being mistaken as a climbing post in the wake of a tantrum. And I do not like whining. But I do love when he looks at me like I'm the best person in the world for giving him a bottle of milk before bedtime. And I do love when he interrupts his play time to give me a kiss. I know these days are numbered. This is both relieving and sad.
5. I love good friends. They are the best. 'Nuff Said.
Until my next moment of stillness, here's to listening!
-D
Monday, July 1, 2013
When Strivings Cease
The sermon yesterday was on "Creating Margin between your Load and your Limit." This is something that I don't do well. Ever really. I'm constantly on the go as I'm sure many people are. The good thing about that is that we get a lot done. The bad thing is that there will always be more to do and we'll never feel like we've accomplished it all.
This week, we were challenged to find 5 minutes to be silent and still enough to listen to God. I'm 0 for 1 today. It's hard enough finding any breathing space at all, and truthfully, when I do find space, I'm just so stinking tired. It's hard to listen when you're tired. Have you ever tried to listen when you're tired? Church services are a good example of this. If you're tired when you go to church, chances are you'll miss the sermon entirely in favor of viewing the backs of your own eyelids. If you're sitting with a friend, he/she may be kind enough to jab you in the ribs...with the kindness of Christ of course. But my point is, it's hard to listen to God when you're tired.
So where do we find rest? I'll let you know if I uncover the secret. My guess is that I have to start changing my lifestyle completely. If I start saying "No" to things and putting enough margin in my life for downtime, I might actually be still enough to hear God and rested enough to have energy to carry out His desires.
But that's just a hunch. Again, I'll let you know if I find out the secret to creating margin. I know this blog is titled, "Summer Stillness", but I'm finding it hard to be still. Seriously. Like right now - it's 10:15 at night and my child is still crying and standing up in his crib, waiting for somebody to come and fetch him. I thought 10:15 would be a good time to blog and find some quiet in my mind and heart...but it's not. What to do?!
I'll leave with one last question: If and when we were to cease our striving, what would that look like?
In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand
This week, we were challenged to find 5 minutes to be silent and still enough to listen to God. I'm 0 for 1 today. It's hard enough finding any breathing space at all, and truthfully, when I do find space, I'm just so stinking tired. It's hard to listen when you're tired. Have you ever tried to listen when you're tired? Church services are a good example of this. If you're tired when you go to church, chances are you'll miss the sermon entirely in favor of viewing the backs of your own eyelids. If you're sitting with a friend, he/she may be kind enough to jab you in the ribs...with the kindness of Christ of course. But my point is, it's hard to listen to God when you're tired.
So where do we find rest? I'll let you know if I uncover the secret. My guess is that I have to start changing my lifestyle completely. If I start saying "No" to things and putting enough margin in my life for downtime, I might actually be still enough to hear God and rested enough to have energy to carry out His desires.
But that's just a hunch. Again, I'll let you know if I find out the secret to creating margin. I know this blog is titled, "Summer Stillness", but I'm finding it hard to be still. Seriously. Like right now - it's 10:15 at night and my child is still crying and standing up in his crib, waiting for somebody to come and fetch him. I thought 10:15 would be a good time to blog and find some quiet in my mind and heart...but it's not. What to do?!
I'll leave with one last question: If and when we were to cease our striving, what would that look like?
In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand
Friday, June 28, 2013
Adventures of 1, 2, 3
Today was difficult. It was blazing hot today, a real first look at summer, which limited the places we could go today. What to do with a toddler on a day that's really too hot to handle? The map of our day, in order: Denny's for breakfast (WIN), church to visit VBS (WIN), home in an attempt to catch nap time (fail), Target (WIN), home to drop off groceries, an outdoor plaza - which included fountains, ducks, plenty of shade, and a Starbucks (WIN!!), home to play (fail), the eye doctor to drop off Grandma, and back home for dinner, bath, bottle, and bed (a mixed bag).
Friends, trust me when I say that I'm tired. And you'd think Little Monkey would be too. But the truth about little monkeys is that they are never really predictable and my Little Monkey took too many sleeptime attempts today with very little results.
So here is the 1, 2, 3 of the day as quickly and concisely and with as much heart as I can currently muster.
1. The fails. Not to be Negative Nancy but in reflecting on the day, here's what went horribly wrong. I mistook Little Monkey's whininess around 10am to be nap time whines, thinking that we had already been out for a while that he might have gotten tired early when instead, he was probably just hungry for a morning snack. My bad. Lesson learned - offer snack first before assuming sleep for this one. I also got absolutely nothing done today. I meant to do laundry and clean my bedroom and do dishes and actually take a short nap during nap time. Unfortunately, because Little Monkey opted to only sleep for about 30 minutes, I didn't get to completing the above activities. Oh, and in the second attempt at his nap, I dropped a glass in the sink and pieces of glass were shattered into my garbage disposal. Total fail. Bed time was also a total fail. It took dear husband and I about 5 tries and three hours to get the overtired toddler to sleep tonight! Ugh.
2. The WINS. Getting to enjoy Little Monkey and Mommy Time over breakfast was wonderful! Seeing my little one walk into the church nursery all by himself and comfort another crying toddler with a toy was such a huge WIN and spoke so clearly of the kind and soft heart of my son! In addition, instead of cleaning the disaster that is the kitchen, I chose to discipline my child today as consistently as possible. This meant a lot of time outs. A LOT. Four time outs in four hours actually. However, things started paying off when I went to issue yet another warning about "using listening ears", and Little Monkey went straight to the time out mat on his own. This is probably because the process was pretty fresh from the first two time outs. I probably won't remember the condition that my kitchen was in, but we will all end up reaping the benefits of said discipline in the long run. It's like a long term investment!
3. What Really Matters. I found my kairos moments today. Watching Little Monkey play wearing nothing but a diaper, I became increasingly aware of all of his little developing muscles and was able to take a moment to praise God for how healthy he is. He can walk and run and concentrate, and roll over and laugh and feel and smile. What a huge blessing that is! I also found another kairos moment, but it didn't involve my son. It was when my husband and I were talking about his work day and he told me that he apologized to a coworker today after a tense situation. I realized that I am so blessed to have married a man who has the wisdom to discern a tense situation, the humility and grace to apologize for his own actions, and the courage to move forward in a positive way with his coworker. I married a good man. Kairos.
Well, that's all I've got. It's been a long day and I'm exhausted.
Here's a shout out to all the full-time mommies out there! You guys rock at holding the line at home all day! I can barely make it through a few days of summer - shows you what a wimp I am. But the beautiful thing is that I get to try again tomorrow!
- D
Friends, trust me when I say that I'm tired. And you'd think Little Monkey would be too. But the truth about little monkeys is that they are never really predictable and my Little Monkey took too many sleeptime attempts today with very little results.
So here is the 1, 2, 3 of the day as quickly and concisely and with as much heart as I can currently muster.
1. The fails. Not to be Negative Nancy but in reflecting on the day, here's what went horribly wrong. I mistook Little Monkey's whininess around 10am to be nap time whines, thinking that we had already been out for a while that he might have gotten tired early when instead, he was probably just hungry for a morning snack. My bad. Lesson learned - offer snack first before assuming sleep for this one. I also got absolutely nothing done today. I meant to do laundry and clean my bedroom and do dishes and actually take a short nap during nap time. Unfortunately, because Little Monkey opted to only sleep for about 30 minutes, I didn't get to completing the above activities. Oh, and in the second attempt at his nap, I dropped a glass in the sink and pieces of glass were shattered into my garbage disposal. Total fail. Bed time was also a total fail. It took dear husband and I about 5 tries and three hours to get the overtired toddler to sleep tonight! Ugh.
2. The WINS. Getting to enjoy Little Monkey and Mommy Time over breakfast was wonderful! Seeing my little one walk into the church nursery all by himself and comfort another crying toddler with a toy was such a huge WIN and spoke so clearly of the kind and soft heart of my son! In addition, instead of cleaning the disaster that is the kitchen, I chose to discipline my child today as consistently as possible. This meant a lot of time outs. A LOT. Four time outs in four hours actually. However, things started paying off when I went to issue yet another warning about "using listening ears", and Little Monkey went straight to the time out mat on his own. This is probably because the process was pretty fresh from the first two time outs. I probably won't remember the condition that my kitchen was in, but we will all end up reaping the benefits of said discipline in the long run. It's like a long term investment!
3. What Really Matters. I found my kairos moments today. Watching Little Monkey play wearing nothing but a diaper, I became increasingly aware of all of his little developing muscles and was able to take a moment to praise God for how healthy he is. He can walk and run and concentrate, and roll over and laugh and feel and smile. What a huge blessing that is! I also found another kairos moment, but it didn't involve my son. It was when my husband and I were talking about his work day and he told me that he apologized to a coworker today after a tense situation. I realized that I am so blessed to have married a man who has the wisdom to discern a tense situation, the humility and grace to apologize for his own actions, and the courage to move forward in a positive way with his coworker. I married a good man. Kairos.
Well, that's all I've got. It's been a long day and I'm exhausted.
Here's a shout out to all the full-time mommies out there! You guys rock at holding the line at home all day! I can barely make it through a few days of summer - shows you what a wimp I am. But the beautiful thing is that I get to try again tomorrow!
- D
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Adventures in Target
Target is a very dangerous place. I have this addiction to home decor and nothing but Target can soothe the itch I have to systematically re-do every room in my home. I'm on to my bedroom now. We have all of this furniture that we've had since practically college, and I think it's time that we re-vamp it. So today, I bought lamps. The problem was that reading in bed next to a puny nightstand light was like trying to read next to a nightlight. It called for a serious investment in better quality lamps, and I must admit, they're much chic-er. I am now very excited to make my bedroom look like a page from Pottery Barn. I told my husband that I found a dresser that I really wanted and that I wanted to get a new headboard that shows over the European pillowcases I now have. His reponse? "Whatever you want, honey. 'Happy wife, Happy life'..."
I married a good man.
We went to see World War Z today - you know, that new Brad Pitt movie that has to do with the zombie apocolypse? Yeah, that one. I didn't think it was going to be too scary, but after seeing all of the previews for horror movies that preceded the actual movie, I started to second guess myself. It was scary. Not slasher-horror scary; more sudden movements and jolting music scary. The film itself was well done. And I have to say, I'm not sure we give make up artists enough credit - there was some amazing work in this production!
All that to say, if the zombie apocolypse (Zom-pocolypse) were to take place, I think I'd hit up a Target first. Either that or a Home Depot...plenty of 2x4s there.
Target, you will have my heart forever - and unfortunately for me, my wallet as well.
-D
I married a good man.
We went to see World War Z today - you know, that new Brad Pitt movie that has to do with the zombie apocolypse? Yeah, that one. I didn't think it was going to be too scary, but after seeing all of the previews for horror movies that preceded the actual movie, I started to second guess myself. It was scary. Not slasher-horror scary; more sudden movements and jolting music scary. The film itself was well done. And I have to say, I'm not sure we give make up artists enough credit - there was some amazing work in this production!
All that to say, if the zombie apocolypse (Zom-pocolypse) were to take place, I think I'd hit up a Target first. Either that or a Home Depot...plenty of 2x4s there.
Target, you will have my heart forever - and unfortunately for me, my wallet as well.
-D
Monday, June 24, 2013
Adventures Before 11am
This morning, we woke up to surprising weather for June - a rainy and overcast morning. Unfortunately, this weather cancelled out our plans to go to the park and play in the water and sand. Bummer. (Although, being homebodies today gave me the best excuse ever to stay in my yoga pants. But who are we kidding, it's summer! Why would I be in anything BUT yoga pants?!)
Little Monkey decided it would be a great idea to hand Daddy the end of the toilet paper roll while Daddy was in the kitchen. It really only took a few seconds of unsupervision to do this:
Just so you know, the kitchen is around the corner. Not like our home is huge or anything, but I was a little impressed by how far he carried it without the TP ripping!
In other news, if nothing but disaster comes of today, I've found my kairos moment for the day:
In a rare demonstration of calm initiative, my little one took a book and sat inside his Cars tent to look at the pictures. It only lasted a minute or two before he tore through the tent King Kong-style in an attempt to wrestle with me, but it was a sweet minute.
He's napping now, which is an even sweeter minute. He didn't sleep much last night. In fact, dear husband went into his room to cover him with his little blanket and realized that the Little Monkey was just standing in his crib staring at him! To quote dear husband, "It was a little creepy." Anyway, I'm hoping for a bit of a longer nap than usual today. He needs the rest and I think we do too. We'll see what the rest of the day holds for us!
To the Post-Nap Adventures!
- D
Little Monkey decided it would be a great idea to hand Daddy the end of the toilet paper roll while Daddy was in the kitchen. It really only took a few seconds of unsupervision to do this:
Just so you know, the kitchen is around the corner. Not like our home is huge or anything, but I was a little impressed by how far he carried it without the TP ripping!
In other news, if nothing but disaster comes of today, I've found my kairos moment for the day:
In a rare demonstration of calm initiative, my little one took a book and sat inside his Cars tent to look at the pictures. It only lasted a minute or two before he tore through the tent King Kong-style in an attempt to wrestle with me, but it was a sweet minute.
He's napping now, which is an even sweeter minute. He didn't sleep much last night. In fact, dear husband went into his room to cover him with his little blanket and realized that the Little Monkey was just standing in his crib staring at him! To quote dear husband, "It was a little creepy." Anyway, I'm hoping for a bit of a longer nap than usual today. He needs the rest and I think we do too. We'll see what the rest of the day holds for us!
To the Post-Nap Adventures!
- D
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