Ahhh...finally. A time of silence. Just me and this blank canvas of space with which to write and process. No crocodile wrestling my toddler; no dishes (well, not entirely true - there are SOME dishes.); no laundry; nobody here to entertain; and no whining! Yes, my friends, it is that glorious time of the day called Nap Time.
I've been wanting to write for quite some time but every day of this vacation has been stuffed with activity. Don't get me wrong - I love activity. I love the people we've been able to see and spend time with. But I've needed and wanted some silence for a while. Here's what I've learned from the past few days in the wee moments of silent thinking time here and there that I've been able to snag. These things are not entirely related - at least, not that I can see yet.
1. Conversations around an area of conflict are confusing. If you haven't heard by now, everybody has been wrestling with the LGBT(Q) movement. Everybody includes the Christ-followers, the Atheists, the Activists, the Politicians, the Educators, the young and the old. See, no matter what side of the table you're sitting on, there's been a lot of talk and very little listening. Here's what I've heard God say to me recently: Be still. Be open to conversation. Start by listening. Be still. Seek My Truth. Hear the compassion in My Voice. Be still.
This makes me really want to really find out what God has to say about these issues and makes me want to be still and listen. I've gone from standing against all aspects of the LGBT(Q) community (so far as to hurt some of my own friends) to standing for them (as silently as possible however) to not wanting to draw a line in the sand at all. The problem about WANTING to find out what God has to say and WANTING straight answers is that it manifests itself into idle action. You know what I mean when I say, "idle action"? It's like reading and thinking and reading and thinking and coming to so many different conclusions that you really have no conclusion at all in the end. All along, I've forgotten to BE STILL. I've forgotten how.
So here's the conclusion I've come to right now. At this moment, I want to read what God has to say about all things LGBT. And then I'm going to "Be Still". I'm going to be open to conversation. But I'm going to start by listening. Because the way I've figured, conversing is a good start. But the act of listening is an act of love. Jesus reminds us in so many ways to "Love our neighbor." People feel loved and valued when others listen. I want to be a listener.
2. Listening is Hard. Period.
3. There are some relationships that require a desperate amount of patience. It sounds cryptic, but really, it's simple; it's true; and sometimes it sucks.
4. Toddlers are difficult. At the end of the day though, I always find myself looking at pictures of my little love and recalling all of his cute moments of the day. During the day, I just want to get to my victory lap. It sounds awful, but I know I'm not alone in this. I can't be. Kids are too hard to deal with when they're awake sometimes! I love being my Little Monkey's mom. I do not like my legs being mistaken as a climbing post in the wake of a tantrum. And I do not like whining. But I do love when he looks at me like I'm the best person in the world for giving him a bottle of milk before bedtime. And I do love when he interrupts his play time to give me a kiss. I know these days are numbered. This is both relieving and sad.
5. I love good friends. They are the best. 'Nuff Said.
Until my next moment of stillness, here's to listening!
-D
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