So I turned 30 today. Yeah, weird. I was a little nervous heading into it, like Harry Potter running toward the 9 ¾ train platform for the first time. Today was just another day though of realizing that I don’t control anything. I had to wake up super early in order to get myself ready in addition to my toddler before going to church to conduct the choir, where I had to coordinate my hired babysitter to meet up with us somewhere on campus while warming up the choir, doing a sound check, and watching my little boy out of the corner of my eye. He was great this morning! I’m sure it helped that I had stopped by Starbucks (for my free birthday drink) and got him a cookie to bribe him to sit still “so Mommy can conduct.” Who gives a two-year-old boy a cookie at 7:45 in the morning? This girl. Hey, it was oatmeal…that’s whole grains with a few raisins, right? Totally healthy.
I conducted the choir for church, sent my little one to Sunday school, then had my babysitter take him to the park while I did the music for the second service. Once I met up with them back at my house, I got his lunch ready and started the nap time routine, at which point he let me know that he did not want to sleep in his crib. He wanted to sleep on Mommy instead. So I rocked him for nearly the entirety of his nap time. Why? Because time is short. And because I’m having epiphany after epiphany about the fleeting nature of life stages. As I was rocking my sweaty little sleeper, I realized that one day, he will not want me to hold him any more. One day, he won’t want his Mommy to rock him, and when that day comes, I will wish I had held him more in moments like these.
Here’s the thing: I’m finding that life is a little overwhelming sometimes between the whole mom, wife, working woman, musician, teacher thing. Sometimes, I think I can’t handle it and I begin to doubt that anybody can. But then I hear God whisper, “This is your life that I’ve given you. I will be Enough for you because my Grace is sufficient for all that I’ve called you to do.” Today’s sermon was on prayer and the lifeline to God that it provides. We’re called to be grateful for the things in our life and we’re called to talk to God about the things that we might need help being grateful for. Prayer is an ongoing conversation that we have with God as we experience all of the things that He has called us to do and to be. Today’s sermon was not a coincidence – it was a whisper.
Then I read this: http://www.conversiondiary.com/2014/03/the-secret-to-not-being-overwhelmed.html
It’s a beautiful article that I can hear my own voice and thoughts in. It’s about not being overwhelmed and instead, committing the things that go undone to God. It’s about talking to God in order to know what is ours to do for the day. It’s about having a deeper connection with God and letting that conversation with Him drive us to action in a peaceful way rather than a frantic way. Another whisper.
I’ve realized that today was just a sign of things to come. God wants me to talk to Him more, maybe do less, but He wants me to BE more. To sit and be still, knowing that I don’t control anything and being grateful that He does.
While I still feel like I may need to get my life a little more together (maybe have a neater home, a better wardrobe, furniture that isn’t from Target or Ikea – not that there’s anything wrong with that at all), I think I’m ready to embrace it all now. I’m not sure my life, at this point, is going to change a whole lot. I’m just going to keep trying to learn a little more, grow a little wiser, and be grateful for it all. A friend of mine said that turning 30 isn’t really about the number; it’s about how content you are when you get to that number. If you’re grateful and content with your life, the number doesn’t really matter.
So, much like Harry Potter, I’m growing more and more eager to find out what’s on the other side of the platform wall, even if it means running full speed into it to find out. I know this: I’m grateful, content, and I have an intense desire to know God more and more as I carry out the things that He’s called me to do with my life.
On a side note, here are some things that I’d like to do in my 30’s.
• Read more
• Have regular exercise times
• Have regular God and me dates
• Have regular husband and me dates
• Buy a house (It’s a bit of a daunting and large task, but it is what it is!)
• Place at Golden State…more than once and higher than 5th place
• Take a hot air balloon ride
• Find a hobby…one that I’m good at
• Eat healthier
• Take vitamins (And now I’m sounding really old…because old people take vitamins. Old people and children.)
• Teach my kid good habits – which should really go without saying, but I have everybody else up here and I would feel like a horrible mom if I didn’t put at least one thing up about my little boy. #forshame
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