Annie

My mentor's wife just passed away on Tuesday. Her name was Annie.

When my mentor, Bill, proposed to Annie, he popped the question like this: "Will you spend the next 50 years with me?" To which she answered, "I'll have to ask my mother." When she did say "yes", he whisked her away from her home in Alberta, and she became his faithful companion and helpmate for over fifty years. (When their 50th anniversary rolled around, Bill told Annie that she had fulfilled her duty and could go if she pleased. She told him it would be too much trouble and she would rather stay.)

Bill bought Annie flowers every month on their anniversary date. He also let her "retire" from cooking and took her out to eat every night for the last 15 years of their marriage. He hung a sign on the front wall of the house facing the street that read "Annie's Place" for all to see. They had been married for over 50 years, and he was still dating her.

And now, my dear friend Bill is alone. I heard from a friend that he hasn't been up to phone conversations, just cards and letters. I also heard that he's been lost without her. Of course he's lost. She was part of his life compass...and what do you do when North stops showing up? Where do you go? How do you orient yourself every day?

My heart grieves Annie's departure. I'm glad she's flown to Jesus, to whom she spoke every day. But I'm so sad for those that she left behind. That's always the case, isn't it? We're not really mourning those who pass into glory. We're mourning for the ones that they leave behind. We feel the emptiness with the ones who are left here. We cringe at the silence in their empty homes. We wish we could fill that void so there won't be so much emptiness, so much space. But we can't. So we cry with them and wish for healing.

We can't rush the healing. We can't fill the void. We just have to wait for God to do His thing.

Bill, we're here with you.

-D

A Beautiful Calling: Here am I.

Isaiah 58:6-12

"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter - when you see the naked, to clothe them, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of The Lord will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and The Lord will answer; you will cry for help and he will say: Here am I.
If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings."


Oh my goodness. How beautiful is this passage?! I love what God says in this. I stumbled across it the other day as a friend of mine posted something on Facebook in Isaiah 59, but I always like to see the context of things so I went back and read chapter 58 as well. This particular part of the chapter really stood out to me. God calls us to big things - loosening the chains of injustice, freeing the oppressed, making burdens lighter, sharing food and clothing, and giving shelter to those in need. He calls us to such magnificent acts of love and selflessness so he can make us "Repairers" and "Restorers". We have the chance to bring light to those in darkness because we carry the Light and Life of Christ within us. We are repaired and restored because He repaired and restored us! We are capable of bringing healing because He first healed us. Isaiah references the demolition of Israel - an actual, historical demolition of the city. Death was present; oppression reigned. It's a picture of the human soul. We can be re-built and raised up in Christ. To me, nothing is more beautiful than being brought out of death and into new life.

I've been sitting with this for a few days, and the longer I meditate on it, the more it sinks into my brain and heart, and truthfully, the more excited I become by what God has done and what He's calling us to do for others. We are hope-bringers and repairers of brokenness and restorers of life! What a joy that should be! And yet, most days, a good majority of us find ourselves in a desolate and lonely trek of the journey of life. This passage is a good reminder that we've already been freed from the most cumbersome of yokes and burdens. Our life has been restored. It was never promised that this life would be easy, but we have been restored. We are no longer dead in our transgressions but alive in Christ! What beautiful promises God gives us and what a beautiful calling.

Side note: I find it interesting that God says the same thing that Isaiah said in Isaiah 6: "Here am I." In Isaiah 6, God is asking who will go on His behalf as a messenger to His people and Isaiah answers, "Here I am. Send me." Here in this chapter, God answers when we cry for help with a "Here am I." Both declarative and compassionate.

Friends

I've been thinking a lot about friendships recently, and lo and behold, the sermon on Sunday was all about friendship. (Side note: I love how God works. Leading my heart with His Spirit and leading the congregation through His Word - it's amazing.) I've made some poor friend choices in the past. Not horrible. No drug users (that I knew of) or smokers or intense drinkers or anything crazy. I've just found that over the years, the people I'm drawn to aren't really friends but popular girls that I want to prove myself to. It's like I wanted them to like me so badly that I would set myself aside just to please them. And then I would find myself empty handed when I really needed a real friend.

A friend/coworker of mine and I were talking and she said that she really wanted to be friends with another coworker. She started listing reasons why she wanted to be friends, and it got me thinking...I don't think I've ever been able to articulate why I've wanted to be friends with somebody before.

The sermon on Sunday talked about characteristics of good and wise friends, which got me thinking even more about the friends that I currently have and the kind of friend that I want to be to others. Some key people in my life came to mind:

My friend Cynthe is a wise, Jesus-loving woman who is really good at consistantly seeking out different perspectives from others. She is brave and truthful and compassionate. I truly respect her as a fellow Jesus follower and mom and wife.

My friend Steph is incredibly compassionate and kind, always looking out for the best interest of others, even if it means putting herself last. She is cheerful, helpful, and a talented artist. Her sense of humor is great, and she never takes herself too seriously. I love that. And I love that she loves Jesus with her whole self.

My friend Carolyn is intelligent, quiet, and wise. Her compassion for others is evident in her day job as a teacher as well as her service to the ministries at her church. She follows Jesus with a diligent obedience that is admirable and humbling. She is truthful and trustworthy.

My friend Lydia is a newer friend. She has a contagious joy that seems to just radiate from her skin. She loves Jesus so much and loves to help others find Him too. She's organized and methodical and I really admire how she strives to continue growing in her faith on a daily basis.

My friend Rachel is spunky and easy going. She's my scientist friend who is both smart and kind. She loves Jesus and demonstrates that compassionate love by hosting every type of event under the sun. She is resilient and is living proof that God rescues those who seek Him. I respect how patient she is with obstacles and balancing life and family.

This isn't a very long list, and I'm sure I've left off people that I admire and respect. But to be honest, when it comes to good friends, I don't really have a lot. (Three of the five listed don't even live anywhere close to me, not that distance should be an issue. It would just be nice to be able to call somebody and go somewhere to meet her when I need a moment with a friend.) The women listed are friends who love Jesus. I have friends who I admire and respect and who don't know Jesus, but I listed the ones who do know and love Him because they share the same heart and direction in life.

Some underlying traits that I see with these amazing women is that they are all compassionate truth-tellers who long to be an authentic representation of Jesus on this earth. I respect that. The honesty and the compassion. And I really want to be a person who can offer that to somebody else as a friend. I haven't done the best job of being a friend to others, but I hope to do better.

We're Gonna Be Fine

The beginning of a new school year is always filled with equal parts excitement and anxiety. The excitement comes from anticipating something great; the anxiety comes from fearing something horrible. The truth is, we just don't know what's around the corner. We hope for something great despite our certain mistakes along the way.

I've always calmed my anxiety over the new school year by remembering that my choral program isn't actually mine. It's God's. I am merely working as a steward of His work. It has always been comforting to know that whatever mistakes I make will not really affect what God has in store for the program and all the kids in it in the long run, as long as I continue to submit myself to His will. It only just recently occurred to me that God also takes very good care of His stewards...

The week before school starts is the time when teachers return to their classrooms to prepare them for the new school year. (Let's not even start with the fact that teachers get paid ONE floating work day of eight hours when, in reality, they spend the entire week at work trying to get everything done before the kids walk through the door! I digress.) So I was in my classroom today, filing some old papers in file folders, when I ran out of new file folders and had to recycle my used ones. I pulled out the old ones and realized that I was using the old folders from my first year of teaching and repurposing them for my 7th year. I've come a long way.

My first year of teaching elementary music, like anybody's first year, was hell in a box. I had great plans to save every student and help them fall in love with music. I was going to touch the future and inspire every single student that walked into my room. Little did I know that the entire 6th grade class that year had been the catalyst for 2 teachers retiring and 2 teachers quitting the profession. There was no way to mix up the two 6th grade classes where the trouble-makers would be split up because they were all that way. Every teacher just wanted to get them out of there. Funny, those kids are entering their freshmen year of college now...

My first year of teaching was frustrating and chaotic. I had no idea how to deal with so many crazy and hormonal students. I had no idea that dragging a bass xylophone to four schools every week in the rain during the winter was a terrible idea. I had no idea that the classroom teachers could take advantage of me, asking me to teach both kindergarten classes at once with no other adult in the room. Fifty kindergarten students. And me. I just didn't know.

Looking back, I feel wiser now. I feel a little more jaded too. My ideals of saving every single student who walked through the door just seems silly and unrealistic now. As much as I hope this would happen, it never does. But I'm still here because I still hope that I can inspire at least one. And it's not really about the music, to be honest. It's more about helping the students realize that they can make a difference and change the world for the better. Music is just the vehicle. It's teaching kids how to work together with people that share more differences than similarities. It's helping kids be soft in the heart and smart in the head. It's showing kids that working hard has more than monetary benefits. It's opening their eyes to God's creation and handing them the freedom to marvel and wonder and dance in it.

There was a song playing in the background as I was repurposing those folders today. It went like this:
On the edge of a moment
In a land that we love
In a time that our best has to be good enough
Like all those before us we start out alone
We race from our school yards into the unknown...
With hearts in our hands like loaded guns,
We're taking our chance, we're the lucky ones
This moment is yours, this moment is mine
And we're gonna be fine.

With the approach of the new school year, I've decided to once again, submit this program, this classroom, and my teaching to God's will. He hands me the freedom to marvel and wonder and dance in it.

We're gonna be fine.
-D

Strangers in a Foreign Land

It has come to my attention that Life is hard. Too many obstacles, too many emotions, too many people on the road, too many messages being thrown at me, too much crying. Life is just hard. Period.

I started wondering why we expect life to be easy. If life is always and has always been this difficult, why would we expect something easy? The only thing I can rationalize is that we have the desire for an easier life planted in our hearts and souls. We crave and long for something easier - the feeling you get when you chat with an old friend. It's familiar; it's safe; it's home. But most of the time, the life that we experience is like trying to respond to an emergency where your only source of information is coming from a mute stranger. There's a lot of charades and guessing involved.

But Jesus talked about this very thing: how eternity is embedded in our very souls, in the core of our being, and how we would never feel familiar or safe here because here isn't our home. We are strangers in a foreign land where things are backward and upside-down. Of course there are too many obstacles here, and of course we feel too many emotions. We were meant for something different than this life; we were made for Life. Eternal Life. The too many emotions that we feel, for the most part, is really compassion. I mean, once we get over the overwhelmed part, we start to respond to the hurt, the tears, and the pain. We start to help others heal, or we start to help ourselves heal. We feel compassion, and it compels us to be better people and do better things in this life. And I think that is when we really begin to experience the other side of Life, the eternal side. The Life we were made for.

This is my Father's world.
O let me ne'er forget
That though the wrong seems oft so strong,
God is the ruler yet.
This is my Father's world;
Why should my heart be sad?
The Lord is King; let the heavens ring!
God reigns; let all earth be glad!

-D

How do you know?

This summer has been a journey in learning how to parent and learning how to be a better person in light of parenting. Actually, if I'm being honest, every day is an adventure in learning how to parent. But I'm realizing that, after the umpteenth time I've said no to a certain action that my toddler carries out (like throwing his cup of water on the floor - every. single. day.), I begin to doubt my effectiveness in training up my child in the way he should go. (Proverbs)

A very wise, experienced teacher once posed the question, "When you feel like nothing is getting through to your students or that you're not making an impact on their lives, ask yourselves this: How do you know you're not?"

As parents, no matter how mundane the task at hand, we will always make some sort of impact on our children through the way we live. This is both comforting and horrifying at the same time, mostly because I can be a good mom until about 4:00pm. Then I'm just so-so. But a friend of mine reminded me that "Satisfactory" is still passing. And then he went on to say all of the horrible things that I am NOT doing to my child. This made me feel better.

I am not:
Smoking next to my child. Or smoking at all, in fact.
Giving my child alcohol to quench his thirst.
Putting him in the car without a seatbelt.



I AM:
Feeding him regularly.
Putting him in a carseat.
Changing his diapers.
Brushing his teeth.
Making sure he gets enough rest.
Taking him on outings.
Loving him.

Everything else is pretty much a wash after 4:00 - all of the things that seem important kind of fly out the window. So he doesn't eat organic all the time... So he throws his water cup for the millionth time and I give up a little... So he climbs on everything and nearly gives me a heart attack, AGAIN, and I snap a little... So he spits out all of his veggies even when I try and sneak them into his meal... So things around our house break because he gets worked up and overly excited, which usually means throwing things...

One thing will always stay the same - the last item on my AM list. I love him to pieces and I know that love is transformational. It has to be; it's changed me. Even though it seems like what I'm doing isn't doing much at all, it is. It really is.


How do you know you're not?

Epiphany

It has come to my attention that being the person that I want my child to become is way harder than it sounds.

Working on it.
-D

Yesterday. The Longest Day Ever.

Every once in a while, you get dealt one of those days that feels more like an assault of challenges from all sides. On days like these, I text or call one of my prayer friends to keep me afloat. Yesterday was one of those days.

Here is what I sent my prayer friends:

Omg. This morning I've killed two spiders (one of which was dangling in front of my face in the shower), sat in freeway traffic while dropping my sister off at work, found a dead animal carcass on the top of my BBQ with a swarm of yellow jackets eating it, and then had my child throw up all over me. It's 10:15am. So far, the morning has held nothing but sheer terror. Prayers appreciated

I text this to three people and then put my sick toddler down for a nap. I took one too. When we woke up, I had two very encouraging text messages waiting for me as well as the kindest offer from the third friend to bring me a drink from Starbucks, which of course I could not refuse. I took Little Monkey to his, ironically, pre-scheduled well baby exam in the afternoon and then had a visit from one of my prayer friends who came bearing a bouquet of sunflowers and the biggest passion fruit iced tea that Starbucks sells!

Trust me when I say that every woman, and every Mama, needs friends like these. Prayer friends. People who hold you afloat when the day looks like it's going to sink your ship.

Kairos. Friends like these are the lifesavers on days that hold "nothing but sheer terror".

With a grateful heart,
-D

Keeping It Simple

This blog post is going to be really short because it's been a long day and I'm super tired. But this is so important that I absolutely needed to share.

I spent the day showing out of town friends around San Francisco today. We did all of the touristy things: Pier 39, watched the sea lions, ate clam chowder from a sourdough bread bowl, watched the America's Cup training from the harbor, and walked about a million miles. But my kairos moment today was when we got to come home and sit around a big table on the back deck and eat BBQ chicken and grilled veggies together. My family joined us and for a moment, I thought, "This has to be heaven." Sitting in God's creation on a beautiful summer evening with God's bounty of food before us, surrounded by my friends and family - my brothers and sisters in Christ - I glimpsed heaven.

I once heard a friend end a prayer by saying, "And Lord, help us to live out of gratitude." To live out of gratitude is a concept that often slips my mind, but since I heard those words almost 2 years ago, the way I see the world has changed. I'm reminded every once in a while about true gratitude and tonight, when I sat at that table, my heart couldn't have been fuller.

Praise God from Whom all blessings flow,
Praise Him all creatures here below,
Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts,
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost! Amen.

My cup overfloweth,
-D

Training a child - Proverbs 22:6

I felt like a good mom today. But I also felt guilty for leaving my baby toddler this evening so I could go conduct a rehearsal at church. I'm not sure that feeling will ever go away.

Anyway, I felt like a good mom today because I stumbled across this gem in one of those rare moments of reading my Bible. (Yes, it should happen more often. It doesn't because I'm so freakin' tired all the time. It's not an excuse, it's an explanation.) Proverbs 22:6 - "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." That gem, in partnership with a dear friend's advice, inspired me to start looking at the habits and good character traits that I want my son to employ when he's older. And it made me start seeing him as truly a toddler rather than a baby that just doesn't know better.

Brag Book: My 18 month old son identified his colors today, pulling the correct colored crayons from a mixed bag. He actually had to search for the red one when I asked him to use red!! Genius. Brag book done.

It made me realize that he's learning so much and he's becoming so much more than...being a baby, if that makes sense. It's time to start training his character in addition to his habits. (By habits, I'm referring to eating and sleeping. SLEEPING!)

Pause there.

Yesterday evening, I attended a book signing for a teacher/author named Rafe Esquith. Rafe has been teaching at a low income inner city elementary school for 30 years. He's a good teacher. His one word of advice? Be the person you want your students to be.

Unpause.

Be the person you want your child to be.

So basically, I've put 2 and 2 together today. I need to continue to take care of myself and continue to grow in my own character in order to train up my son in a holy and pleasing-to-the-Lord kind of way.

I'm excited. I'm inspired. I'm deeply challenged.
I hope this speaks to you as much as it speaks to me. This applies to both my work life and my home life. This applies to what my friend Glennon Melton calls, "my capital L Life".

This isn't over. I just heard that this week's sermon at church is on "Being Present". I'm pretty sure this will apply to this post. I just haven't put it all together yet. I'll update once I give it some more thought.

Until then, goodnight! I'm starting tomorrow off on a new schedule, a disciplined one for myself - and for my family!
Love,
-D

On Listening and Love

Ahhh...finally. A time of silence. Just me and this blank canvas of space with which to write and process. No crocodile wrestling my toddler; no dishes (well, not entirely true - there are SOME dishes.); no laundry; nobody here to entertain; and no whining! Yes, my friends, it is that glorious time of the day called Nap Time.

I've been wanting to write for quite some time but every day of this vacation has been stuffed with activity. Don't get me wrong - I love activity. I love the people we've been able to see and spend time with. But I've needed and wanted some silence for a while. Here's what I've learned from the past few days in the wee moments of silent thinking time here and there that I've been able to snag. These things are not entirely related - at least, not that I can see yet.


1. Conversations around an area of conflict are confusing. If you haven't heard by now, everybody has been wrestling with the LGBT(Q) movement. Everybody includes the Christ-followers, the Atheists, the Activists, the Politicians, the Educators, the young and the old. See, no matter what side of the table you're sitting on, there's been a lot of talk and very little listening. Here's what I've heard God say to me recently: Be still. Be open to conversation. Start by listening. Be still. Seek My Truth. Hear the compassion in My Voice. Be still.

This makes me really want to really find out what God has to say about these issues and makes me want to be still and listen. I've gone from standing against all aspects of the LGBT(Q) community (so far as to hurt some of my own friends) to standing for them (as silently as possible however) to not wanting to draw a line in the sand at all. The problem about WANTING to find out what God has to say and WANTING straight answers is that it manifests itself into idle action. You know what I mean when I say, "idle action"? It's like reading and thinking and reading and thinking and coming to so many different conclusions that you really have no conclusion at all in the end. All along, I've forgotten to BE STILL. I've forgotten how.

So here's the conclusion I've come to right now. At this moment, I want to read what God has to say about all things LGBT. And then I'm going to "Be Still". I'm going to be open to conversation. But I'm going to start by listening. Because the way I've figured, conversing is a good start. But the act of listening is an act of love. Jesus reminds us in so many ways to "Love our neighbor." People feel loved and valued when others listen. I want to be a listener.

2. Listening is Hard. Period.


3. There are some relationships that require a desperate amount of patience. It sounds cryptic, but really, it's simple; it's true; and sometimes it sucks.


4. Toddlers are difficult. At the end of the day though, I always find myself looking at pictures of my little love and recalling all of his cute moments of the day. During the day, I just want to get to my victory lap. It sounds awful, but I know I'm not alone in this. I can't be. Kids are too hard to deal with when they're awake sometimes! I love being my Little Monkey's mom. I do not like my legs being mistaken as a climbing post in the wake of a tantrum. And I do not like whining. But I do love when he looks at me like I'm the best person in the world for giving him a bottle of milk before bedtime. And I do love when he interrupts his play time to give me a kiss. I know these days are numbered. This is both relieving and sad.


5. I love good friends. They are the best. 'Nuff Said.


Until my next moment of stillness, here's to listening!
-D

When Strivings Cease

The sermon yesterday was on "Creating Margin between your Load and your Limit." This is something that I don't do well. Ever really. I'm constantly on the go as I'm sure many people are. The good thing about that is that we get a lot done. The bad thing is that there will always be more to do and we'll never feel like we've accomplished it all.

This week, we were challenged to find 5 minutes to be silent and still enough to listen to God. I'm 0 for 1 today. It's hard enough finding any breathing space at all, and truthfully, when I do find space, I'm just so stinking tired. It's hard to listen when you're tired. Have you ever tried to listen when you're tired? Church services are a good example of this. If you're tired when you go to church, chances are you'll miss the sermon entirely in favor of viewing the backs of your own eyelids. If you're sitting with a friend, he/she may be kind enough to jab you in the ribs...with the kindness of Christ of course. But my point is, it's hard to listen to God when you're tired.

So where do we find rest? I'll let you know if I uncover the secret. My guess is that I have to start changing my lifestyle completely. If I start saying "No" to things and putting enough margin in my life for downtime, I might actually be still enough to hear God and rested enough to have energy to carry out His desires.

But that's just a hunch. Again, I'll let you know if I find out the secret to creating margin. I know this blog is titled, "Summer Stillness", but I'm finding it hard to be still. Seriously. Like right now - it's 10:15 at night and my child is still crying and standing up in his crib, waiting for somebody to come and fetch him. I thought 10:15 would be a good time to blog and find some quiet in my mind and heart...but it's not. What to do?!

I'll leave with one last question: If and when we were to cease our striving, what would that look like?

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

Adventures of 1, 2, 3

Today was difficult. It was blazing hot today, a real first look at summer, which limited the places we could go today. What to do with a toddler on a day that's really too hot to handle? The map of our day, in order: Denny's for breakfast (WIN), church to visit VBS (WIN), home in an attempt to catch nap time (fail), Target (WIN), home to drop off groceries, an outdoor plaza - which included fountains, ducks, plenty of shade, and a Starbucks (WIN!!), home to play (fail), the eye doctor to drop off Grandma, and back home for dinner, bath, bottle, and bed (a mixed bag).

Friends, trust me when I say that I'm tired. And you'd think Little Monkey would be too. But the truth about little monkeys is that they are never really predictable and my Little Monkey took too many sleeptime attempts today with very little results.

So here is the 1, 2, 3 of the day as quickly and concisely and with as much heart as I can currently muster.

1. The fails. Not to be Negative Nancy but in reflecting on the day, here's what went horribly wrong. I mistook Little Monkey's whininess around 10am to be nap time whines, thinking that we had already been out for a while that he might have gotten tired early when instead, he was probably just hungry for a morning snack. My bad. Lesson learned - offer snack first before assuming sleep for this one. I also got absolutely nothing done today. I meant to do laundry and clean my bedroom and do dishes and actually take a short nap during nap time. Unfortunately, because Little Monkey opted to only sleep for about 30 minutes, I didn't get to completing the above activities. Oh, and in the second attempt at his nap, I dropped a glass in the sink and pieces of glass were shattered into my garbage disposal. Total fail. Bed time was also a total fail. It took dear husband and I about 5 tries and three hours to get the overtired toddler to sleep tonight! Ugh.


2. The WINS. Getting to enjoy Little Monkey and Mommy Time over breakfast was wonderful! Seeing my little one walk into the church nursery all by himself and comfort another crying toddler with a toy was such a huge WIN and spoke so clearly of the kind and soft heart of my son! In addition, instead of cleaning the disaster that is the kitchen, I chose to discipline my child today as consistently as possible. This meant a lot of time outs. A LOT. Four time outs in four hours actually. However, things started paying off when I went to issue yet another warning about "using listening ears", and Little Monkey went straight to the time out mat on his own. This is probably because the process was pretty fresh from the first two time outs. I probably won't remember the condition that my kitchen was in, but we will all end up reaping the benefits of said discipline in the long run. It's like a long term investment!

3. What Really Matters. I found my kairos moments today. Watching Little Monkey play wearing nothing but a diaper, I became increasingly aware of all of his little developing muscles and was able to take a moment to praise God for how healthy he is. He can walk and run and concentrate, and roll over and laugh and feel and smile. What a huge blessing that is! I also found another kairos moment, but it didn't involve my son. It was when my husband and I were talking about his work day and he told me that he apologized to a coworker today after a tense situation. I realized that I am so blessed to have married a man who has the wisdom to discern a tense situation, the humility and grace to apologize for his own actions, and the courage to move forward in a positive way with his coworker. I married a good man. Kairos.


Well, that's all I've got. It's been a long day and I'm exhausted.
Here's a shout out to all the full-time mommies out there! You guys rock at holding the line at home all day! I can barely make it through a few days of summer - shows you what a wimp I am. But the beautiful thing is that I get to try again tomorrow!
- D

Adventures in Target

Target is a very dangerous place. I have this addiction to home decor and nothing but Target can soothe the itch I have to systematically re-do every room in my home. I'm on to my bedroom now. We have all of this furniture that we've had since practically college, and I think it's time that we re-vamp it. So today, I bought lamps. The problem was that reading in bed next to a puny nightstand light was like trying to read next to a nightlight. It called for a serious investment in better quality lamps, and I must admit, they're much chic-er. I am now very excited to make my bedroom look like a page from Pottery Barn. I told my husband that I found a dresser that I really wanted and that I wanted to get a new headboard that shows over the European pillowcases I now have. His reponse? "Whatever you want, honey. 'Happy wife, Happy life'..."

I married a good man.

We went to see World War Z today - you know, that new Brad Pitt movie that has to do with the zombie apocolypse? Yeah, that one. I didn't think it was going to be too scary, but after seeing all of the previews for horror movies that preceded the actual movie, I started to second guess myself. It was scary. Not slasher-horror scary; more sudden movements and jolting music scary. The film itself was well done. And I have to say, I'm not sure we give make up artists enough credit - there was some amazing work in this production!

All that to say, if the zombie apocolypse (Zom-pocolypse) were to take place, I think I'd hit up a Target first. Either that or a Home Depot...plenty of 2x4s there.

Target, you will have my heart forever - and unfortunately for me, my wallet as well.

-D

Adventures Before 11am

This morning, we woke up to surprising weather for June - a rainy and overcast morning. Unfortunately, this weather cancelled out our plans to go to the park and play in the water and sand. Bummer. (Although, being homebodies today gave me the best excuse ever to stay in my yoga pants. But who are we kidding, it's summer! Why would I be in anything BUT yoga pants?!)

Little Monkey decided it would be a great idea to hand Daddy the end of the toilet paper roll while Daddy was in the kitchen. It really only took a few seconds of unsupervision to do this:

Just so you know, the kitchen is around the corner. Not like our home is huge or anything, but I was a little impressed by how far he carried it without the TP ripping!

In other news, if nothing but disaster comes of today, I've found my kairos moment for the day:

In a rare demonstration of calm initiative, my little one took a book and sat inside his Cars tent to look at the pictures. It only lasted a minute or two before he tore through the tent King Kong-style in an attempt to wrestle with me, but it was a sweet minute.

He's napping now, which is an even sweeter minute. He didn't sleep much last night. In fact, dear husband went into his room to cover him with his little blanket and realized that the Little Monkey was just standing in his crib staring at him! To quote dear husband, "It was a little creepy." Anyway, I'm hoping for a bit of a longer nap than usual today. He needs the rest and I think we do too. We'll see what the rest of the day holds for us!

To the Post-Nap Adventures!
- D

The Screaming Noodle Adventures

I went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond today. Yes, it's another one of my happy places. So many fun kitchen things! And I swear I could always use another carafe or wall hanging or frame set. But today, I wasn't there for me. I was there with my mom and my sister to help my sister pick out a new comforter set because, well, the one she doesn't have isn't chic enough. My sister is the queen of fashion. Really. I call her My Stylist because during the school year, I take pictures of my outfits and text her early in the morning to find out what I should wear that day. It's very helpful, though I doubt how much she actually enjoys receiving texts really early because she's currently a college student...

So it's around 4:15 when my son decides that he no longer wants to sit in the cart. That's fine. He can walk and even help me push our cart around. It's when he lets go of the cart in favor of running like a wild man through the crowded aisles of the store that I begin to get worried. He thinks it's a game when I start trying to corral him towards our shopping cart. Then he starts pushing other peoples' carts because, hell, why not? It's very exciting for a little kid. "Big carts. I can move them!" When he starts rolling around on the floor, I've just about had enough. So I sweep him up, because I still can, and vainly attempt to put him back into the kid seat of the cart. He does not want to go.

He turns into a noodle.

My toddler son has mastered The Noodle. He goes all limp and does this whiny thing. Sometimes he picks his nose like he's just chillin' while noodling. It's not pretty. But today, I got The Screaming Noodle. Yes, the Noodle can scream while being completely limp. Arms up, back arched, mouth wide open, face red, and crocodile tears streaming. It's quite a sight, I must admit. Well, I just about had it and did the one thing I knew would remedy the situation...I handed him over to my mom. My mother has a way with children. She's brilliant. Sometimes I wonder if magic powers actually seep from her skin to calm babies down. I wish I had that. I don't.

She distracted him enough and we were able to complete our search for "the perfect bed spread".

I learned a few things today.
1) I must be home before 4:30 so my child doesn't turn into a pumpkin.
2) My mother is a saint and I will never take that for granted.
3) People are generally understanding of screaming toddlers. However, I think on the inside, they're all thanking God that they are not the parents of The Screaming Noodle.

Oh, and I changed a poopy diaper in the trunk of my little Honda Civic today. I'm sure I'm not the first person to open the trunk of the car and lay out a changing pad, but I'm pretty sure my trunk will never smell the same.

Hanging in there,
- D

The Naked Face Adventures

I ran into a colleague in Target yesterday. I frequently visit Target because it's one of my happy places. Unfortunately, I tend to run into a lot of people I know at Target, and they're usually students.

Anyway, so I ran into a colleague yesterday. A really pretty colleague. Super cute, super pretty, totally put together. Basically a relatively new mom's worst nightmare. After a few moments of chatting, we parted ways. And then I realized that I had absolutely NO make up on. Not a lick of it. None. #insecuregirlproblems

Then I consoled myself with the fact that she doesn't have kids and can take the time to actually run a brush through her hair and spend time picking out a really cute outfit for the day instead of picking through the pile of clothes on the edge of her bed, looking for something that doesn't have applesauce or peanut butter plastered to it. #bravemomrational

Then things got a bit awkward when I saw a student out of the corner of my eye. I tried not to make eye contact, mostly because my face feels so naked when I'm not wearing make up! Seriously nude. Now, I'm not one to plaster the "war paint" on, as my dear husband refers to it. But it's nice to have a little bit of coverage. I have freckles. Horrible, all-over, not-fading-any-time-soon freckles. So it's nice to cover them up and at least pretend that my freckles are a dusting of angel kisses like my mom used to tell me. At the same time, I think there's something valid about letting ourselves go a bit.

Here's the deal, I thought I would get up and clean the house for a bit that morning, which I did. But then I never got around to putting make up on after showering because my little one was hungry. After I fed him, I had to do the dishes, and then my husband took Little One out to play so it was the perfect time to clean the kitchen floors without a little person (or a big person) tracking in footprints or drips of mystery substance or crumbs. Then I did laundry because, that's what you do after cleaning the floors, and then I went to Target. So really, it was all downhill after my shower. Our bachelor friend stopped by that morning though and complimented me on how good my face looked without make up. It was nice.

Maybe on the inside, I thought I could pull it off. I don't know. Maybe all of us girls should try something new and not wear any make up at all for like a week. And the family camping trip doesn't count. But seriously, what if a bunch of us banded together and in the name of all that is feminine and womanly, we just decided to abandon make up for a week? How would we feel? What would we do? Would we like it? Hate it? I think I'd hate it if I did it by myself. But if other women joined me, it might feel more uniting than anything. Maybe my freckles wouldn't stick out as much. Maybe we'd stop judging each other based on looks and start standing together based on principle, soul, and heart. I'd like to try it. Let me know if you'd like to join me. We could get it on the calendar.

Just something to think about I guess.
Here's to the Naked Face Adventures!
- D

New Beginnings

Greetings Blogging World! I am starting this blog called, "Summer Stillness", because that is exactly what I'd like to do this summer. I'd like to find some stillness. I'd like to find some peace and, what my friend Glennon calls, kairos. I'd also like to record some of the fun memories that I'm going to make with my currently 17 month old son and husband. Being a teacher, I'm usually so busy during the school year, so summer is a really important time to connect with my family and relish my freedom for a bit. Here's to summer and all the adventure it holds! - D