The beginning of a new school year is always filled with equal parts excitement and anxiety. The excitement comes from anticipating something great; the anxiety comes from fearing something horrible. The truth is, we just don't know what's around the corner. We hope for something great despite our certain mistakes along the way.
I've always calmed my anxiety over the new school year by remembering that my choral program isn't actually mine. It's God's. I am merely working as a steward of His work. It has always been comforting to know that whatever mistakes I make will not really affect what God has in store for the program and all the kids in it in the long run, as long as I continue to submit myself to His will. It only just recently occurred to me that God also takes very good care of His stewards...
The week before school starts is the time when teachers return to their classrooms to prepare them for the new school year. (Let's not even start with the fact that teachers get paid ONE floating work day of eight hours when, in reality, they spend the entire week at work trying to get everything done before the kids walk through the door! I digress.) So I was in my classroom today, filing some old papers in file folders, when I ran out of new file folders and had to recycle my used ones. I pulled out the old ones and realized that I was using the old folders from my first year of teaching and repurposing them for my 7th year. I've come a long way.
My first year of teaching elementary music, like anybody's first year, was hell in a box. I had great plans to save every student and help them fall in love with music. I was going to touch the future and inspire every single student that walked into my room. Little did I know that the entire 6th grade class that year had been the catalyst for 2 teachers retiring and 2 teachers quitting the profession. There was no way to mix up the two 6th grade classes where the trouble-makers would be split up because they were all that way. Every teacher just wanted to get them out of there. Funny, those kids are entering their freshmen year of college now...
My first year of teaching was frustrating and chaotic. I had no idea how to deal with so many crazy and hormonal students. I had no idea that dragging a bass xylophone to four schools every week in the rain during the winter was a terrible idea. I had no idea that the classroom teachers could take advantage of me, asking me to teach both kindergarten classes at once with no other adult in the room. Fifty kindergarten students. And me. I just didn't know.
Looking back, I feel wiser now. I feel a little more jaded too. My ideals of saving every single student who walked through the door just seems silly and unrealistic now. As much as I hope this would happen, it never does. But I'm still here because I still hope that I can inspire at least one. And it's not really about the music, to be honest. It's more about helping the students realize that they can make a difference and change the world for the better. Music is just the vehicle. It's teaching kids how to work together with people that share more differences than similarities. It's helping kids be soft in the heart and smart in the head. It's showing kids that working hard has more than monetary benefits. It's opening their eyes to God's creation and handing them the freedom to marvel and wonder and dance in it.
There was a song playing in the background as I was repurposing those folders today. It went like this:
On the edge of a moment
In a land that we love
In a time that our best has to be good enough
Like all those before us we start out alone
We race from our school yards into the unknown...
With hearts in our hands like loaded guns,
We're taking our chance, we're the lucky ones
This moment is yours, this moment is mine
And we're gonna be fine.
With the approach of the new school year, I've decided to once again, submit this program, this classroom, and my teaching to God's will. He hands me the freedom to marvel and wonder and dance in it.
We're gonna be fine.
-D
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